My (honest) health journey
I’ve been trying to write about this journey for a long time. I have written stuff and deleted it all more times than I can count. So I’m sitting down and just wondering why it is so difficult for me to share this story. It’s like many others, although still unique to myself. Is it because I am still healing? Do I feel like my journey is over and done? Absolutely not. So, here it goes… my totally uniquely non-unique ,ongoing health journey.
I grew up in a world bombarded with social media. The influx of the ‘ideal body’; the avalanche of “flat tummy workouts”on Pinterest’ the sea of ads for “lose weight quick” drinks. It would be hard for anyone to not be affected by this, as so, so so many women are . I was one of the many. As a young girl whose body was nowhere close to what these beautiful and “perfect” women’s bodies looked like I was devastated, seeking a change at whatever cost. This is where my journey begins.
At the beginning of grade 8, I had begun to notice the changes in my body. At the time, I was not completely affected by body image and still held onto my childlike freedom when it came to my view on the world. I wanted to start ballet again; I had danced a lot when I was younger and absolutely loved ballet. The world I walked into was very different from the world I left at 11. It was a lot more intense, less passion and joy present, and was taught by a teacher who would point out girl’s bodies who didn’t fit the “ballet mold”. I was obviously one of these girls. Needless to say, this took me down a dark path of very unhealthy habits. I quit ballet when the year was up, no longer able to handle looking at myself in the mirror and not looking like the other beautiful girls in my class. I decided I needed to lose weight. Not only that, I decided I needed to lose A LOT of weight. I started to change my diet. I asked for a gym membership for my birthday. I tried countless things and would never see any difference. I would get discouraged and give up, and start again and the cycle went on and on. When I went into my grade 11 year I had such a warped version of health that I truly believed I was being healthy when in reality I was the furthest from it. I would religiously track my calories while trying to eat less and less every day. I would try and skip breakfast and lunch, and when I couldn’t I would eat a clementine and black coffee, or frozen peas and corn. No good,am I right? I would also go to the gym a lot and when I wasn’t satisfied with my work out there I would come home and do more workouts. I was running myself into the ground, s not giving my body enough fuel, and was completely miserable. For years on and off I would struggle with overeating, and emotional eating. I would struggle with starving myself, bingeing, and purging, and I honestly had no idea how I would ever get out of it.
But I did. I climbed myself out of the hole I felt stuck in. I changed my life. I started my health coaching schooling and learned the healing powers of essential oils that helped me move through so much pain and trauma and push me towards being my best and healthiest self.
So, where am I now? I have never felt more beautiful or confident in my life. I am nowhere near perfect, but that is exactly where I need to be. I am strong, capable, intelligent, and fully in charge of my amazing and exciting life. With so many things lighting up my fire and to look forward to, I no longer have time to cry in front of the mirror but to smile into the mirror and tell my younger self that I survived, and I am happy.